Stuck

I am really on my Joan Rivers and wondering, "can we talk"? 

This isolation isn't going the way I thought and I am sorely disillusioned with myself. (insert nervous, yet panicky laughter) 
Being an introvert/fake extrovert, I thought I would be deep in my element without the whole world calling out to me. I thought I would be able to breeze through the patterns, projects, and sketches sitting in my head. I thought a whole lot of wrong things like it was the right thing to do. 

It turns out that my inside world calls louder than the outside world. I have cut grass, pulled up old flooring, scraped wallpaper & paint, rearranged furniture, closed off fireplaces, stared into space, yelled, "go get in the shower, boy- you smell like cheese" and most pathetically, i started buying fabric and accessories to sew masks to fit my face as well as masks for Bebe that won't irritate his skin. I haven't gotten as far as one complete mask.  

I get easily distracted by the flowers I recently bought and what color to paint the library, bathroom, and where I can find a 6'/180cm circular map rug for Bebe's study area. I have a 2019 fall walking coat resting uneasily next to me and a belated Mother's Day present waiting for me to begin. 

In acknowledging how I've failed, I am going to do what I do best: MAKE LISTS of what I need to do with a timeline for accomplishments. I am going to Action Item my life. 

Wish me luck. 

x