We Have Hopes and Plans

 

I don't know how I made it to 2023, but look at me- still alive and confused. I am sitting here surrounded by yarn and Christmas decorations wondering how I can make sense of it all. I can't and so I won't. 

What I will do is waste a significant amount of time pouring through my old patterns, notes, and ideas to see what will stick and what should be scraped, updated, and kicked into the universe. 

I am getting some of my memory back, but I won't stress what I do not recall. It will come to me if it should. Forgotten faces are coming back to me as well. I am on the mend, but I need to challenge myself more. My wet sponge and blood noodle have received their final okays. The inflamed beatbox will just have to become an accepted part of the landscape.

I will take a few steps back in knitting. I will test myself to follow a pattern from start to finish without deviation. Then I will work to be able to hold an idea into a plan and then into an execution- all on a timeline. Cognitive recovery and discipline. 

 I got to see most of my brothers in 2022 for better or worse and I "love" when we get together and start knuckle-dragging around. 

There has been much touch and go as of late and there are things to do before they can't be done. I will make more space for family in 2023. I don't know so much about pulling back people that I let go, but I will be less hard-lined about it. The grace I don't expect will be the grace that I will learn to give. 

I am thankful that the people who have been by my side during the darker times are able to stand with me today. I don't take it lightly and I don't take it for granted (I really wanted to put "granite", guys). 

These were thoughts at the beginning of 2023, January 15 to be exact. Somehow or other, this did not get posted which further confirms the slippage of the noodle. Now that we are in the final quarter, I am pleased that I have kept to each of these thought patterns and treated them less like mandates. Maybe there is a next adventure and maybe I haven't sorted this one out completely. 

What I do know is that I am now surrounded by yarn and holding physical books in my hand, hoping that things piece back together peacefully.